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[sticky post] My Fics over the Centuries...

Hi,

     this will become my archive post for my fics, which will be updated as regularly as I can manage until I am up to date.

Fics old; and maybe unwanted...Collapse )

  Here are two fics written way back in the first months after Tara's death in S6 of BtVS was broadcast here in the UK.

Two early successful, I think, buffy fics...Collapse )

  These six stories were all written as fanfics for The Chosen, as opposed to 'in the chosen!verse'. The first five got posted to the website itself; the last has only been posted to my previous lj. Hopefully one day it, it and the several fics I have written for that verse, will get posted to the website too.

Fics written for Jet Wolf's The Chosen...Collapse )

  These five fics were written in the year following me joining livejournal in 2009. I no longer have posting access to this journal so, if you have any comments on them, can you send them to me here. I hope to change this at some point, but they will eventually be re-posted. Other details, including character; 'verses etc will be added as time passes.
My first lj fics 2009-10Collapse )These are all my fics from 2011; a CSI drabble; a crossover and a NuWho S5 fic; but mostly Buffyverse stories.

My fics for 2011; the pace increases...Collapse )April 28th 2014
  Looked like 2012 was going to be a slow year, but I seemed to hit the afterburners in August; especially helped by the series I started for elisi but have yet to complete. Must get on that.

Whew! What was I taking in the Fall...Collapse )

Please, if you have any comments on the stories mentioned above; particularly if you have advice on changes to The Anyanka Solution and ideas as to what could be used for future Buffyverses from Amshel; then email me at kerkevik2014@gmail.com

  They will be most welcome.


  Goddess watch over us all,
  Ray.

This may be my last post.

No DLA.

I have 18p.

To all the peeps I've been lending money to the bank is closed.

At some point soon I will run out of data for the internet, so will be pretty much uncontactable except by post.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.


kerk hiraeth

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I. Am. F***ed!

Two days before I potentially lose my money again and my autistic brain has gone into overdrive. All I seem to do is either sleep, or stay permanently in that "I'll wake up in a moment" state, or endlessly collate hours of data and material I never have time to use because all I do is save it.

I'm fucked.

I should be getting up and dealing with this crap, but I'mlike a human ostrich with my head buried and my ass in the air pretending none of it is happening.

I. Am. Fucked.


kerk

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Brief update :-(

Finally got a referral to mental health services through, but I have to call so I might need to check in at my sister's to see if I can use their phone. Paid my rent arrears, which crossed with the usual threatening letter from the council even though I said I'd be paying when my pension came through.
Most worrying is that, even though my pension came early because of the bank holidays, the ESA did not. Met soneone in Dundee who'd not received theirs either so I don;t know what to think.
All I can do right now is plan on what I have left having to last a good long while. Had to order a new card as the Nationwide seemed to think someone may have tried to gain access to my account. If they did they didn't get anything.
Need to sort out Independent Advocacy etc now things are moving, but it's hard not to just give up.

kerk

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Update (AM & PM)

(AM)
Finally managed to take the first step today; though I did feel close to collapsing in on myself a couple of times at the CAB outreach. Fuzzy and weak in the legs; six hours later and I'm finally able to start focussing properly again.

(PM
Got home a little while ago; fed the cats. Still feeling a bit fuzzy around the edges, though I had a couple of chocolate bars and tea (Earl Grey; Hot ;-) ); an energy drink and a toastie. Not sure who, or what, agency is supposed to refer me to mental health services at the moment, which is a concern, but I will be contacting a group in Perth that helps people with asperger's /on the autism spectrum.

Should feel like progress, but I'm still not handling the whole thing very well, and the fuzziness is a worry.

kerk

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Open on Sunday?

Is anyone saving open_on_sunday from lj?

Managed to find my favourite Doyle_sb4 fics, but that's another journal likely to disappear as she hasn't posted for seven years.

Lib Dems are nowhere near strong enough to challenge anyone. Labour are toast, but watch all those Tories masking as their MPs lickspittle their way behind Corbyn. The SNP are going to lose ground to the Tories in May and in June.

Fucking shits are going to get a bloody landslide.

So depressed.

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What a glorious day :-(

More than three hours to force myself out of the door; get to the council office to be told Welfare Rights is telephone only which, after some babbling on my part at the thought of having to deal with someone by myself over the phone, has me back out the door in under two minutes.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

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ds9_rewatch ~ 5x22: Children of Time

Live Rewatch begins at 8 PM EST (that's 1 AM to me in the UK). Come join us http://www.chatzy.com/ds9rewatch for silliness and discussion!

Another classic this week; very unlikely I'll be able to make it myself, but go along and support if you can.

http://ds9-rewatch.livejournal.com/319560.html
https://ds9rewatch.tumblr.com/post/159632676091/live-rewatch-5x22-children-of-time

kerk

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In fun news :-(

My near phobia about opening mail has finally come home to roost. Apparently my DLA has been, temporarily, stopped until I make a claim for the new PIP. This leaves me with £1.18 and no food except cup of soups until next week; assuming I get the payment I'm due then. Most worried that the cats don't have enough to get through until then; let alone to the end of the month when at least I know I'll get my PO pension.

This is going to be fun, fun, fun...

kerk

This is transported in from what will be, eventually, my main site. Please try and comment there if possible.
 
   It's hard to find the words to describe the sense of grief that is creeping over me; from reading some of the comments in my earliest posts by people who've gone in real life (R.I.P. woman_of_ ) to comments obviously deleted their lj's in the past couple of days; comments lost now so that I only have my half of the conversation left. I feel real loss most when the comments are about fics or in response to a birthday wish, or some personal post. 

   I can't believe that I can feel that much pain about something that often seems so ephemeral, but I feel like I'm torturing myself; wondering whether it's worth saving anything. I mean all that wondrous material lost when the willtara yahoo group disappeared; all those wonderful early fan sites gone. 

  It feels so pointless, yet I cannot stop because Right Now? It feels like all that's keeping me going. 

  I cannot even find the desire to write. I want to. I still need to. I am writing. But I always stop at some point, and it seems like I know I'm not going to finish it. 

  So why I posted this... 


   GRIEF
   BY ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING 
  I tell you, hopeless grief is passionless; 
  That only men incredulous of despair, 
  Half-taught in anguish, through the midnight air 
  Beat upward to God’s throne in loud access 
  Of shrieking and reproach. Full desertness, 
  In souls as countries, lieth silent-bare 
  Under the blanching, vertical eye-glare 
  Of the absolute heavens. Deep-hearted man, express 
  Grief for thy dead in silence like to death— 
  Most like a monumental statue set 
  In everlasting watch and moveless woe 
  Till itself crumble to the dust beneath. 
  Touch it; the marble eyelids are not wet: 
  If it could weep, it could arise and go. 
  

  

  Goddess preserve, 

  

  Kerk Hiraeth 


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